Out Of Order
Have you ever been tempted to respond to unwanted advice with the line, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn?”
I’m sure you have. It’s a common response when we are victims of hit-and-run advice. It’s a way of telling opinionated busybodies they haven’t earned the right to be relevant in our lives.
I was on the damning end of such a response one afternoon some years back as I began my first job in hospital chaplaincy.
Quiz Master
Perhaps you remember the Veg-O-Matic commercial from the mid-1960s, where marketing guru and inventor Ron Popeil promoted a kitchen appliance by saying, “It slices, it dices and so much more!”
Veg-O-Matic ads inspired a “Saturday Night Live” spoof about a fish blender called the Super Bass-O-Matic, first performed by Dan Aykroyd in 1976.
Nearly 50 years later, let me introduce you to the Belief-O-Matic. Like the Veg-O-Matic, once you use it, you’ll wonder how you ever did without it.
I’m not kidding. The Belief-O-Matic is real.
On Deaf Ears
Tahoe Park resident Lynn Bishop joined dozens of other dog lovers last year answering a call from the city’s Front Street Animal Shelter. Foster a dog for the holidays.
Approximately 60 cars lined up for drive-through fostering. “It was like an assembly line,” says Bishop, who took home Roscoe, a 6-year-old unneutered chihuahua mix brought to the shelter as a stray.
On any given day, as many as 345 dogs are fostered through Front Street. Many are not spayed or neutered.
See No Evil
Not long ago I treated my daughter Brittney to lunch at Falafel & Shawarma Planet, a Mediterranean restaurant on Florin Road.
From behind the counter, the owner took our order and went back to prepare our food. The dining room was empty. We dawdled a moment to ogle the baklava display case.
The front door opened and a man walked up behind us.
“Don’t move,” the stranger told Brittney. “And don’t panic,” he whispered.
How could I not panic? I thought. We were alone with a “whispering mugger.”
I cautiously turned my head so I could describe him for police: light complexion African American male, 5-foot-6, average build, wearing athletic sweatpants and a jogging jacket.
Then I asked myself if I assumed him to be robber just because he was Black?
More Than Facts
To be honest, I hate to hear someone begin a sentence with, “To be honest.”
The phrase seems to say, “Get ready, I’m really going to let you have it.”
Nevertheless, to be honest, I really hate coffee.
I know hate is a strong word coming from a spiritual columnist. But I think it’s best to be straightforward.